Pulling A Dagwood

One time, coming home from a vacation, our family was traveling late.  So late in fact that we got home early…..in the morning….just before sunrise….on a work day.  The shop I was working for at the time was busy and I was expected back to work that morning.

I took a short nap, ate my breakfast, and went to work.  We were wiring a soft drink bottling plant.  I was all alone in the building, trying to keep busy so I wouldn’t get too sleepy.  I was doing pretty well at it too.

The office for the bottling plant was a totally enclosed space within the plant with its ceiling several feet below the roof of the plant.  I was sitting on the top of the office ceiling planning my conduit runs when I heard the front door close.  It woke me up.

The door had been closed by the bottling plant owner that was paying for the electrical work.  I didn’t know how long I had been asleep, whether he had noticed me sitting still on the office ceiling, or if he had deduced that I was not awake.

I acted like everything was normal, but it worried me.  For some reason it was the last time I worked on a job for that particular business owner.  To be safe, I dropped some of my time off of my time report for that day.

I thought about it for many days and it still bothered me.  One day I mentioned it to my Father-in-law, an honest man.  He said that he knew the fellow.  He had been employed at the same job, and had worked under my Father-in-law at the Fort Peck Dam, while it was under construction.  My Father-in-law said that he was the most useless, lazy man that he had ever had work under his authority.  So I let the whole thing go.  I quit worrying.

If any of the individuals involved, or their relatives, are still alive nearly 50 years later, and happen to read this blog, it is my explanation for what happened.

Or maybe I had only dozed for less than 30 seconds.

Everything else is coincidental.

Some of my favorites

A certain man decided he needed a brain transplant.  He inquired of a surgeon as to the possibilities.  “Yes.”, said the surgeon; “It is possible to do a brain transplant.  What kind do you want?”

The patient asked what kinds were available and what would it cost.

“Well,” said the surgeon; “you could get a doctor’s brain, a lawyers brain, a banker’s brain , a plumber’s brain.  They would cost around $10,000.00 per oz.  An electrician’s brain is about $100,000.00 per oz.”

The patient asked why an electrician’s brain was so expensive.  The doctor answered; “You would be surprised at how many electricians we have to kill to get an ounce of brains.”

Ba Dum Dump

A man walks into a bar and asked the bartender; “Would you like to hear a good electrician joke?”

“Just a minute.” said the bartender.  “You see that big tough looking fellow at the end of the bar?  Do you see those two mean looking guys slouched over their drinks at that table?  They are all electricians.”

“That’s all right” said the man.  “I’ll talk real slow.”

Ba Dum Dump

Have you ever watched an electrician tie his shoe lace?  He puts his left foot up on a chair and reaches down and ties the laces of the shoe on the floor.

Ba Dum Dump

An electrical contractor had seven daughters.  His wife became pregnant an eighth time.  When the couple spoke with the doctor the contractor made the comment that he wished that this baby would be a boy.

He said; “I could train him to be a good electrician.  When I retire I could turn the business over to him.”

“That’s O.K” said the doctor; “It’s going to be a boy.”

The contractor was confused and asked just how the doctor could guarantee the outcome at such an early time.  The doctor said; “Trust me.”

When the couple went to the hospital for the birth the contractor waited in a waiting room.  After the birth the doctor entered the waiting room and told the contractor; “It’s a boy.  See I told you to trust me.”

The contractor was very grateful and mentioned that now he was assured of a boy to train he could really use an estimator for the business.

The doctor said; “Oh, he’ll be an estimator.  I can guarantee that!”

The contractor, now more ready to believe, was still a little skeptical.  He asked the doctor; “How can you be so sure that he’ll be an estimator?”

The doctor replied; “I just left him and he’s already crying.”

Ba Dum Dump

(I told this last joke to a roomful of estimators when they were questioning a foreman on his job decision making skills.  It got very quiet.)

Mosquitoes

One time when we were camping in Quebec, Canada I observed some Canadian mosquitoes walking on the top of our sleeping bag.  They were trying to “drill down” and find flesh underneath.

One of the boys that were with us had a sleeping bag that was of lighter weight.  To avoid the mosquitoes he moved into the car for the night.  He left the window down about an inch for air.  The next morning we asked him if the mosquitoes didn’t come in during the night.  He replied: “No, their bills were too long.”

On another occasion I was working on a job requiring the installation of wiring, circuitry, etc. for an X-ray machine in a clinic.  The crew that does the actual installation of the X-ray machine is made up of specialists.  They will travel from one job site to another as employees of the X-ray machine company, solely working on X-ray machine installations.

Though mosquitoes can be problematic at certain times of the year when doing electrical work on poles, signs, outdoor lighting and the like, they are certainly no problem when installing an X-ray machine.

The two boys installing the machine were from Minnesota.  (I had lived in Minnesota for a short period of time.)  These boys were complaining about the flat prairie in Montana.  They said that Minnesota had rivers and lakes and trees.  I told them that they had plenty of something else in Minnesota, too.  They asked; “What?”

I said: “Mosquitoes.”

At that they said; “We don’t have mosquitoes in Minnesota.”

I replied (sarcastically); “No, you don’t have mosquitoes in Minnesota.”  As I was about to go into some detail about my experiences with mosquitoes in Minnesota, one of them cut in quickly and said; “Last year I only saw two mosquitoes in Minnesota.  They were flying overhead with a calf between them.  One said to the other one; ‘When we get done with this one, let’s go back and get the big one.’ ”

I was just about ready to believe them.

At the very least, I couldn’t top that story.